Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
