Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
