I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
