It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
