Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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