wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
