TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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