he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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