Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
