Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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