i just had sex bonerless
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize