he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
