I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
