I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
