Your face is a jimmy john
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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