I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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