i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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