My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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