i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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