Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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