Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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