So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
