I am puke
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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