Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
