call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize