Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize