My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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