Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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