a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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