apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
