We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
