I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
