Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i think i have two assholes
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
