During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
