last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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