He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
