I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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