My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
