dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I could fuck to npr.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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