Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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