i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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