Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We are all done wearing pants today
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
