I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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