Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
