the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
