you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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