She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
