I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
