my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
