whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
