I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
