You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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