yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
