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What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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