me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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