was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize