Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He has the fingertips of a God
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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