you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i think my mom watched the whole time
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just cropdusted the office
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize