saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
