she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
