nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize