Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
