I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
