dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
