shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
