You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
