dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
