I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize