Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
