sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the day after is always just damage control
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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