On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
