I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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