We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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